This is my first blog entry for 2017. I had plenty lined up of what I wanted to write and talk about. There were no major events for me in early 2017 save a Grand Prix in Shizuoka around March. I was going to talk about the state of Local Games Store (LGS), Magic investing, Modern Masters 2017 etc….
But then my world came to a standstill in February 2017.
It was late one evening when I got the news from my neighbour. My beloved cat, Tracie, was tragically taken away from Emily and me. She was roughly 6 years old and life was still early for her. We were devastated. We grieved and we are still grieving in our hearts. While I still picked up myself to carry on my day-to-day, but I didn’t feel like playing Magic anymore.
I know many friends who put Magic aside to move on with more important things in life ie career, relationship, marriage, children… and I respect that. I went through similar stages in my life and for me, at this point in my life, I felt free and had put a lot of time and effort in improving my game. My efforts bore fruits in the last 18 months and I was really looking forward to another great year ahead in 2017 after a “very good” 2016. I even discussed with Chye on whether or not I should take the plunge and chase for silver by travelling to multiple Grand Prix’s in 2017.
But after the tragedy, I shelved everything. This wasn’t about the difficult choice of putting career or relationship in front of the game anymore. It was about almost completely losing your will to fight. Tracie was more than our pet. She was our family. Magic didn’t feel important anymore. I thought about my “real family” and how much time I spent with them in 2016 as I was pursuing my Magic dream. It made me realise I was somewhat selfish. I was pursuing a personal goal, an ambition. I wasn’t neglecting anyone completely but I realised from Tracie’s passing that you can’t take away time with family for granted.
While my emotions led me to spend more time with my loved ones, I was still committed to Grand Prix Shizuoka. I did squeeze in testing but I found myself so far behind. It was only a couple of weeks but it felt like I haven’t played for years. I felt I was almost losing every game to variance, but I soon realised the variance was my own emotions. Its not to say I wasn’t’ focused or distracted by other things, but I guess it was not having the laser sharp thinking I once had. During my preparation for the Grand Prix, I won and lost many games. The win ratios weren’t great. And time was running short.
So by the time we were in Shizuoka, I felt less than fully prepared. I was on Mardu Vehicles and I did my best to put together what I thought was a solid list. The deck is inherently strong but there were still a number of decision points which you needed to make at different stages of the game. While I did put in some hours, it just didn't feel enough. Even as we flew into Tokyo two days before the GP, my mind was still not fully on the task at hand. So in a way "expectedly", I crumbled easily in Day One. I was grateful that Chye would absorb the full blunt of my tilting and emotions. I blamed it on luck (poor draws) and the Shizuoka jinx (I missed Day 2 play in both my previous GP Shizuoka outings). But once I recollected myself back home, I knew it was all me. It was all in my own mind.
Still, Shizuoka itself was fun. The food was great and I was in great company with my wife and Chye. The trip allowed Emily and myself to relax and take our mind off Tracie. It was the break we really needed. We both knew we had to move on in life and continue pursuing our dreams and ambitions.
So here I am sitting down, roughly two weeks after our trip writing my first blog entry. I’ve played two weekday Modern events at CnH with my old friend – Master of Waves & Co. It felt great. I did several Magic Online drafts and I felt the rust. Chye has been guiding me along to help me get back into shape for Grand Prix Beijing in a month’s time. His “Tonberry” style of motivation may not seem the most ideal, but its effective. I’m slowly getting a grip back into the game. My mind is starting to analyse game plays properly again and I was finally enjoying the game once more.
The tragedy taught me many important lessons. It threw an emotional curveball at me but as time passed I learnt how to get the better of it. I’m growing stronger now and hopefully get into the right groove in time for my original 2017 goal of Pro Tour Kyoto. To close out my first entry of 2017, I got only two words left to say:-
I’m back.
-end-
Tracie: 2011 - 2017
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